[Possibly NSFW] Boku No (Pico) Why Did I Even Do This To Myself?

Published on by Jason Golden

Boku No Pico Review header

I’m just go­ing to open with this: Boku No Pico is the most re­volt­ing piece of trash I have ever been forced to sit through.  And I did it twice.  I’m not sure if it’s the fact this thing is based on an adult clear­ly try­ing to groom and bed a cross­dress­er so young his balls ain’t even dropped yet.  However, I have a strong sus­pi­cion that this fact is what dri­ves my re­vul­sion.  For the first time in my life, I am not sure there are enough drugs for me to ful­fill my mis­sion.  Surely, if I die here, please clear my brows­er history.

I had to fuck­ing Wiki Boku No Pico AND watch it.  That shit is in my brows­er his­to­ry.  I lament the fact I didn’t re­al­ize to use incog­ni­to mode or the like be­fore I got this far.  If you hear the phrase “I have the weird­est bon­er, right now” from me by the end of this… please for­give me and chalk it up to mo­men­tary in­san­i­ty that is worse than usual.

The sto­ry is just fuck­ing bizarrely sim­plis­tic.  Dude meets a cross­dress­ing kid, then ba­si­cal­ly turns him into a sex ob­ject.  They fight, then they rec­on­cile.  I mean, it’s no fuck­ing Shakespeare, but I think even ol’ Will would be pret­ty op­posed to writ­ing ob­vi­ous butt stuff with a 10 year old crossdresser.

The kid’s MAYBE 13, young enough to be naïve enough to get with this guy who’s in his 20’s or pos­si­bly ear­ly 30’s. And wow, they re­al­ly go out of the way to em­pha­size the fact this lit­tle kid has a dick.  It’s em­pha­sized in damn near every shot of him.  I’m not even out of the cred­its, and there’s a dude just jerk­ing this kid off.  Then, five sec­onds into the ac­tu­al thing, they’ve got the kid hav­ing ice cubes shoved up his ass. Japan needs to get it’s shit to­geth­er.  The kid would prob­a­bly fuck­ing pro­lapse on the guy’s dick.  I’m talk­ing just a straight up pink sock hang­ing out of the kid.  Not a thrilling prospect, I should say.

CENSORED Boku Insert

What the fuck?  Just be glad it’s not a pink sock.

I do have to find it fun­ny that the el­der per­vert in this sit­u­a­tion is in­tro­duced watch­ing age-appropriate women be­fore be­com­ing en­tranced with the pre-pubescent cross­dress­er.  It’s like Lolita with big eyes and small mouths.  And a lot less us­ing some­one, and far more us­ing them for sex.  Should this kid even HAVE a sex dri­ve?  You’re col­lege age, and have near­ly two feet on the poor kid.  You’re a fuck­ing rep­re­hen­si­ble hu­man be­ing.  Sadly, so am I, for vol­un­tar­i­ly watch­ing this garbage, even if it is for a laugh.

Even dur­ing the scenes where they’re try­ing to es­tab­lish a feel of ten­der­ness, Pico comes across as a blank slate that ex­ists only to ful­fill the fan­tasies of the view­er.  This is kind of fucked up, be­cause this means the view­er wants to be blown by a grade-school stu­dent who sounds like he’s try­ing to suck a tan­ger­ine through a hose.

Now, as for the sex­u­al con­tent, this is tame.  Aside from shov­ing ice cubes up someone’s ass, I’ve ac­tu­al­ly done every­thing in here with will­ing adults.  Hell, my butt stuff at least doesn’t sound like I’m try­ing to plunge out a stuck-up toi­let.  Seriously, sound guys, get your shit to­geth­er.  Though, I must ask: how does this kid even fit this guy’s dick into his ass?  He’s like 3 feet tall.  Jesus H. Christ, on a pogo stick.  That lit­tle kid came like half his god­damn body­weight.  Get the lit­tle slut a Gatorade, he needs to re­hy­drate like right fuck­ing now.

Boku Impaled Insert

It’s re­al­ly just 30 min­utes of this.

What’s with the sound ef­fects?  Truly, sound ef­fects in this show are a pile of garbage.  Have these de­gen­er­ate shut-ins nev­er ac­tu­al­ly had sex?  Wait, no, for­get I even asked that.  The po­ten­tial an­swers scare me.  A male’s pe­nis does not make stretch­ing nois­es when it gets hard.  Seriously, what the ever-loving fuck am I watch­ing?  The sound ef­fects are like lis­ten­ing to a man try­ing to eat a bowl full of or­anges.  If sex sound­ed like this, I’d still be a vir­gin, gladly.

Having watched this, I have to say, it’s just not that bad.  I mean, I find it per­son­al­ly ob­jec­tion­able due to it hav­ing a kid, but there’s worse out there.  I was a lit­tle un­com­fort­able, at first, but… Well, just like butt stuff, you got­ta grow used to it.  Ease your­self into it, so to speak.  It’s still pret­ty damn bad­ly done, though.  Not to men­tion the fact the main char­ac­ters are just fan­ta­sy ful­fill­ment stand-ins.  And just think, there’s 2 more episodes of this de­gen­er­ate filth.

I have the weird­est bon­er right now.

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Jason Golden

I’m that crazy guy that writes things and hosts the Graded PointFive comics podcast.

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