JBL, What The Hell?

(Editors Note: This ar­ti­cle has been up­dat­ed with a new YouTube video em­bed. The one we orig­i­nal­ly had post­ed with Blue Meanie talk­ing about his ex­pe­ri­ence used is now linked to a ter­mi­nat­ed YouTube ac­count. We have also added a new video at the end. The orig­i­nal ver­sion of this ar­ti­cle is archived here.)

John Twatshaw Stayaway-field…

Normally, I’d say a pro­fes­sion­al wrestler’s out-of-ring ac­tions should­n’t take away from those in the ring. Yes, but there is al­ways a caveat. 

That as­trix to­day comes in the form of John Layfield aka JBL aka Bradshaw aka Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw. Grab your fa­vorite cup, fill it with your liq­uid of choice, and set­tle in. I as­sure you this will be a bumpy ride.

John Layfield has been with World Wrestling Entertainment since 1992. In his ca­reer as JBL alone, he’s a for­mer Intercontinental, United States, World Heavyweight and WWE cham­pi­on. Putting on mem­o­rable feuds with the likes of such greats as CM Punk, Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio and even The Undertaker. The im­pres­sive reigns and feuds aside, John was­n’t ex­act­ly the Norm of the WWE lock­er room. (If you’ve just gone “Who is Norm?” you haven’t seen Cheers, and I feel kind of bad for you. Go watch that shit.) 

Heads up, this is not go­ing to be en­tire­ly in chrono­log­i­cal or­der. Also, this is all pos­si­ble be­cause it has been part­ly brought to light with the re­lease of Best Seat in the House, an au­to­bi­og­ra­phy by for­mer WWE an­nounc­er Justin Roberts. That said, let’s ven­ture down John’s road of be­ing a com­plete and ut­ter bastard.

Out of the gate, we be­gin with the re­ports and var­i­ous sto­ries of Layfield bul­ly­ing tal­ent down in OVW. To scratch the sur­face, he would throw things on the floor and de­mand the new blood clean it up.

Not too bad, yeah? I’m sor­ry to say it gets worse, as it did­n’t stop at fuck­ing with the young OVW tal­ent. Johnny would go on to bul­ly, bust open, be a blow-hard to and be­rate many in­di­vid­u­als both in and out of the ring, in­clud­ing “Executive of the Network” Palmer Cannon, and Ass-shaw’s very own on-screen im­age con­sul­tant Amy Weber, who would quit not long af­ter (Gee, I’m as shocked as a men­tal patient).

There are a few oth­er stand out in­stances of his knob­bery that are more than noteworthy.

ECW One Night Stand: the home of Jables’ most bru­tal case of abuse. Late in the show, there came to be a multi-man brawl be­tween ECW and WWE su­per­stars. However, JBL, who had been mock­ing Blue Meanie for his on-board ex­tra mass, would ad­vance to­wards him, and pro­ceed to bash Meanie’s face in un­til he was the red, black, and Blue Meanie. The man looked like he’d just stepped out of the oc­ta­gon on the los­ing end against Liam Harrison.

It would­n’t take long for JBL, who now serves as a Fox News an­a­lyst, to be giv­en a taste of his own bloat­ed med­i­cine. An “ar­gu­ment” in 2008 (an­oth­er in­stance of The Bradshaw Bully Barrage. My al­lit­er­a­tions will be the end of you all) had bro­ken out back­stage with com­men­ta­tor and heart of ECW, Joey Styles. Like many be­fore and af­ter him, Styles would swift­ly get fed up with it. The dif­fer­ence be­tween them, how­ev­er, is cru­cial. At this mo­ment, Mr. “OH MY GOD!” would re­port­ed­ly es­ca­late the sit­u­a­tion and dri­ve his fist into JBL’s face — and Jables would col­lapse like a kid with po­lio who had his crutch­es yanked away. Joey Styles, if I ever find you, I will buy you a steak din­ner. You won­der­ful bastard.

Oh this is get­ting a bit lighter,” you’re prob­a­bly telling your­self, as you sip what­ev­er it is you’ve picked out ear­li­er. I hate to tell you that thought ends right about… now.  In June of 2004, the Texan-roughhouse-turned-millionaire-New Yorker (who still wore a 10 gal­lon hat for some rea­son) worked a house show in Munich, Germany. That day, he did some­thing to out-stupid even the likes of Vince Russo. 

What would be worse than, such as, turn­ing Atom Bomb into H Bomb for a Japanese house show? Doing a Nazi salute at a show in Germany. I shit you not, this is ac­tu­al­ly a thing. Thank bloody hell for the ex­is­tence of video cameras. 

Layfield, no doubt try­ing to get some of that sweet cheap heel heat, put his arm in the air and be­gan to goose step along the ring apron. In re­turn, to no one’s shock what­so­ev­er, the crowd lost their col­lec­tive shit. You’re no doubt think­ing “Oh, that sure­ly did him in.” This is not the case, as he would take the WWE cham­pi­onship from Guerrero not much lat­er at the Great American Bash in a Texas Bullrope match. 

There have un­doubt­ed­ly been al­le­ga­tions made against, and bul­ly­ing done by, Bradshaw ever since. 

But his most re­cent ker­fuf­fle that we’ll be clos­ing out on re­al­ly rus­tles my jim­mies. In ear­ly 2017, ru­mors of Jables bul­ly­ing the House of Commentary Fire known as Mauro Ranallo back­stage came to light. It had ap­par­ent­ly got­ten so bad that for weeks Mauro was a no-show on TV.  Thankfully, fol­low­ing im­mense pres­sure on the net­work, Mauro now works on NXT, and Layfield is off WWE TV. The real kick in the crotch about this in­ci­dent is that Mauro Ranallo suf­fers from bipo­lar dis­or­der and de­pres­sion. How men­tal­ly in­signif­i­cant do you have to be to bul­ly some­one with men­tal health is­sues like that? Get the fuck out of here.

For the love of god, Vince and Co. let this nump­ty get away with so much bloody bul­ly­ing, I’m sur­prised the Be A Star peo­ple haven’t lam­bast­ed ei­ther par­ty. I could go on, but I’m fair­ly cer­tain the pat­tern has al­ready emerged here. If you need more, then let me go Google that for you.

John Layfield is not a wrestling god, but a mas­sive sod. A beta who thinks he is an al­pha dog en­forcer. I will not be con­vinced otherwise.

UPDATED: Have a bit to chew on af­ter the article.

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Nathan Pulham

A frost­back by birth, English by blood. Pun mag­is­ter and in­ter­me­di­ate shoop­er with a se­ri­ous pas­sion for the wrestling busi­ness and a love of red hot takes. On PlayStation un­der Juicer873 (ref­er­ence to that old rac­ing game Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights. Yes, it was that bloody good.) Uploads his best match­es from WWE video games to YouTube for the shits, gig­gles and pos­ter­i­ty and is found on Steam un­der Slotter Otter. Pun pro­fi­cient pain in the ass painter. Dynasty Warriors Die-Hard — Hack n Slash Heroin Addict

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