Translating Tumblr: The Day of the Trumpquake

We just have to take a look around after Donald Trump won the presidential election this past November 8th. No matter how you feel about the guy, if you think he’s an idiot or you love him, the salt that came from the cracks of the earthquake on Tumblr was amazing. Nobody overreacts like these guys. Just look over there!

We got us some woke-ass kiddos. I was so sure this was a joke post but looking at the profile of this person I believe that they’re serious. Not that I believe 2nd graders care that much, Swedish or not.

*Throws my arm out to stop you*

Oh my God, look at that guy pretending to be seven.

I love it. Either they’re fake kids or they’ve been spoon fed bullshit by their parents. Sad!

Because that makes defacing history alright apparently. Just fucking fine. Just because it was acceptable to be openly racist back then doesn’t mean it’s ok to mess up memorials from back then. It’s not. We look at these things to remember the past and think about how we’ll do better in the future. This isn’t doing that at all.

I hate to veer it this way but people would get all uppity if someone defaced the Susan B. Anthony monument while ignoring the fact that she herself was openly racist.

I really am trying to look for hilarious bullshit that isn’t just “woke 8 year old,” but it’s so hard. Why say it yourself when you can project it onto children?

The Trump Curses are out in full force, and they have been for a long time. We could get into the witch community on Tumblr and their shenanigans but I actually have something cooking up about that for a later time! Let’s keep on. Watch that crack in the ground.

Look at all of that. The melodrama fuels me.

Imagine getting so worked up because you got all of your news from Tumblr these last few months. I love it.

Always remember to take your blood pressure pills, kids.

Don’t you love the edgy ones? I do. They’re the best.

Pure. Gold.

I’m sure your feet are getting tired and the salt is deep down this way. Why don’t we finish this up on a strong one.

My only message to this one is they deserve a better friend than that asshat.

Let’s take a break in the Forest of Ignored Ask Prompts. For reference:

People reblog the shit out of these but never bother to send anyone an ask. Not even as a courtesy. Like, how hard is it to pick a random one, ask, and then forget about it? It’s just the nice thing to do. Anyway, let’s seek refuge here. They won’t bother us. Watch this one pluck a prompt from the branches. Oh, there it goes! Running away really fast.

Where are we travelling to anyway, you ask? Well it is time for some plot, huh? We’re on our way to see the king of Tumblr. He’ll be able to help us, maybe even save us. I hear he knows how to make everything right on Tumblr for everyone. I figure it’s worth a shot, right? What, you thought I was taking you along to just see ridiculous things on the internet? This is a motherfucking adventure! Now get some rest.