Translating Tumblr: Doctor Who Sucks Edition

We talked about SuperWhoLock be­fore but, of course, they’re all their own sep­a­rate shows. I didn’t want to take you down this path (or any of these show’s paths for that mat­ter) due to the rot­ting corpse every­one is ig­nor­ing in the mid­dle of the road. Hey, hand me that stick over there and I’ll poke at it. Keep an eye on what comes out, it’ll be part of the learn­ing ex­pe­ri­ence. Yeah, make sure to re­al­ly look hard. The tape on its face? Yeah they’ve tried tap­ing all kinds of faces on it to cov­er up the necro­sis. The fans and cre­ators alike. 

Ah, we got a good one com­ing out!

The sto­ry of Doctor Who hasn’t been good for a very, very long time. I would an­swer this gen­uine seem­ing ques­tion if they hadn’t added the “dumb id­iots” tag. Because call­ing the peo­ple say­ing this id­iots is go­ing to make them answer.

This per­son makes a great point, al­though I don’t like the writ­ing. Because Steven Moffat is an un­car­ing mur­der­er of TV shows.

When these peo­ple start at­tach­ing to your show it might be time to cancel.

I al­ways feel as though these peo­ple have nev­er watched TV in their lives, they just now watched their first show and it was Doctor Who. Also, I’m bummed that Jodie is the Doctor. I have no doubt in my mind that’s she’s a fab­u­lous ac­tress. It’s just a shame to see her throw her tal­ent in the trash can that is Doctor Who. (An aside: re­mem­ber how every­one in that Avatar: The Last Airbender movie ru­ined their ca­reers by be­ing in the movie? It’s like that to me).

Yep. The glass said “Patriarchy”.

I don’t think this per­son re­al­izes why peo­ple dis­like some movies, but OK! Also, I’m pret­ty sure a siz­able chunk of these weren’t de­cried as “SJW pro­pa­gan­da.” They’re pulling it straight from their ass. 

Because men and women talk and act the ex­act same, right? Also, wouldn’t you hope the Doctor was go­ing to still be writ­ten as the Doctor? Not this bull­shit gen­dered garbage. Time Lords are aliens, why should they care about gen­der? This should be your main concern.

Because that’s why “to­tal­ly all white straight male con­ser­v­a­tives” are up­set. Completely. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind watch­ing a fe­male Doctor if the show was any good.

Imagine see­ing one per­son rant about the fe­male doc­tor and let­ting that fuel your stu­pid­i­ty enough to make this. 

The prob­lem is that the show needs to die and all that’s hap­pen­ing right now is, like, 10 ran­dom peo­ple have a huge prob­lem with it and the rest are mak­ing a moun­tain out of a mole­hill that no­body ac­tu­al­ly cares about. 

Did you hear the brain sta­t­ic by the end of that one too?

I for­got that peo­ple bitched about be­ing too lazy to find pants with big­ger pock­ets, so they blame it on men for a while. Thanks for re­mind­ing me. 

Presented with­out com­ment. The way their blog reads, they’re serious.

Let’s go wash our hands, I hate hav­ing this stink all over me. There, that gas sta­tion should have a sink.

Before we get too far jump­ing into my rant por­tion, I am go­ing to bring up some spoil­ers that pissed me off. The one that got me the most is the han­dling of Danny Pink, boyfriend of Clara Oswald, the companion. 

Let’s go wash our hands, I hate hav­ing this stink all over me. There, that gas sta­tion should work. Boy, there are a lot of gas sta­tions here for a web­site. In the mean­time, let me tell you about some more shenanigans.

So do we all know Danny Pink? In the 12th Doctor’s time he had a com­pan­ion named Clara, one of my least fa­vorite com­pan­ions to date, but not the worst I guess. Danny and Clara were teach­ers at the same school and had a sort of cute thing go­ing on un­til Danny meets the Doctor. He’s pret­ty un­com­fort­able with her go­ing around do­ing dan­ger­ous stuff with him and yad­da yad­da. It’s dumb and forced “‘Is she cheat­ing on me? Oh god, they were in a clos­et, but they were re­al­ly just in the TARDIS” tripe. The usu­al. And then Danny ends up go­ing along too, some­times, once he’s in­tro­duced to the whole time and space trav­el jazz.

They were the only thing keep­ing me watch­ing be­cause I loved Danny so much. So I was thrilled for us, the view­ers, to meet Orson Pink. He is very clear­ly re­lat­ed to both Clara and Danny, it’s not even fun­ny. He even has the lit­tle toy sol­dier Dan that Danny kept and very like­ly passed down in his fam­i­ly due to its sig­nif­i­cance in a past episode in­volv­ing the cou­ple. They have a sweet, hap­py fu­ture ahead of them. Then what happens?

YEAH! HE GETS HIT BY A FUCKING CAR AND FUCKING DIES. And then Clara has a break­down and de­mands the Doctor go back and save him but this one car ac­ci­dent is a fixed point in time some­how. Danny took too much ef­fort for the show run­ners be­cause he was a good char­ac­ter, is what hap­pened. A guilt-ridden war vet­er­an was more in­ter­est­ing as some­thing for Clara to angst about apparently.

And what did the writer say when peo­ple de­mand­ed to know who the Hell Orson was then?

Lateral Pink rel­a­tive, Clara prob­a­bly went back and told his fam­i­ly all about what hap­pened…” Instead of ac­tu­al­ly putting it in the show be­cause that would in­volve even more ef­fort I guess, and he thinks the view­er is stu­pid. Because mak­ing a char­ac­ter that im­plies two oth­ers have chil­dren and then shit­ting on it is OK. The only sav­ing grace of the episode is Santa bust­ing in to say “LOOK BITCHES Y’ALL AIN’T HAPPY AND I’M HERE” and I begged Santa to bring back Danny be­fore the screen went black. I stopped watch­ing com­plete­ly af­ter the episode “Death In Heaven.”

Death In Heaven”, an episode about dead peo­ple not ac­tu­al­ly be­ing dead, rather, they were stored in a data­base, was the last straw be­cause Danny could have come back but in­stead, due to the fact he was once in the mil­i­tary, he sent back a boy he ac­ci­den­tal­ly shot dur­ing a raid and died for good right af­ter. So he sent this prob­a­bly or­phaned non-English speak­ing boy no­body knows any­thing about to live a life of hard­ship in­stead of leav­ing him to rest and go­ing home to his lov­ing girlfriend. 

That’s not even the least of the show’s prob­lems. The writ­ers have changed so much and screwed with canon, not to men­tion the writ­ers lazi­ness, and frankly it’s been run­ning for too long. It has gone stale with the typ­i­cal pit­falls of any show that goes for too long. 

It pains me to see so many fan­tas­tic ac­tors throw their tal­ent on the Doctor Who garbage fire. 

Anyway, can you loan me a dol­lar? I want to grab a can­dy bar. Our next ad­ven­ture is go­ing to be soon, I promise. 

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The old­est 12 year old. Also buy my mix­tape at

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