Translating Tumblr: Teacher Crush Fandom

*Pops a Combo in my mouth as we leave the gas station* 

Remember that time in school when you had a crush on that one teacher? You thought he or she was re­al­ly cute? I did. I had this red­head­ed his­to­ry teacher when I was a fresh­man in high­school and I thought he was the coolest per­son ever. But I knew I was only 14 and it’d be weird to pur­sue a 25 year old so I kept my crush a ‘look only’ thing un­til I got a crush on some blonde, twinky up­per­class­men I knew. 

Crushes are nor­mal, even ones you get on teach­ers… that’s as­sum­ing noth­ing comes out of it and/or you nev­er pur­sued it any­way. And if you did, you were… you know… of le­gal age and not in their class(es) anymore. 

You may be won­der­ing why I’m walk­ing you through this maze en­trance and putting gloves and a sur­gi­cal mask on you. You’re go­ing to be glad I did be­cause we’re go­ing through the Maze of The Teacher Crush Fandom. Some of the ones here are harm­less but oth­ers, as you’ll see, are just, erm, disgusting. 

Here comes one now!

I thought we would start out strong.

Let’s have our sec­ond one be pret­ty strong too.

Pretty strong, huh? Well here’s an­oth­er one over there.

This here is an­oth­er case of “I don’t con­done it, don’t do il­le­gal stuff!” and then the fan­dom pro­ceeds to do the il­le­gal stuff. Just like the lifters.

Oh hey, look, some of them are do­ing a Q and A thing!

*chuck­les* Gross.

Here’s an idea, baby­doll, don’t mess around with some­one that much old­er when you’re only 16 years old. He’s been legal­ly able to dri­ve a car for longer than you’ve been alive. 

Bonus from the same blog:


If my child were pur­su­ing a fuck­ing adult in high school I wouldn’t be hav­ing any of that. No phone till they’re 18.

I learned that where this per­son lives they’re above the age of con­sent and she wait­ed till af­ter she left the class to do any­thing. While I still find it dis­taste­ful, at least this one was smarter about it.

Oh, okay, that’s to­tal­ly reasonable. 

Turn the cor­ner up here, we’re mak­ing our way to the exit. I’m get­ting a lit­tle sick to my tummy.

Jesus Crust, ad­vert your eyes, reader!

Oh my god!

I’ll ad­mit, this one is in her ear­ly 20s. But the teacher is mar­ried and she’s still in his class. Nothing is eth­i­cal about this sit­u­a­tion at all ex­cept the age thing for once.

Gross. Move along, maybe they won’t no­tice us if we stay close to the wall.


This is the 20-something again. But holy shit, he is mar­ried, for­get about it, please.

Again with the 20-something. I think she’s tail­ing us.

Almost at the exit! *Grabs you as we trudge through piles of love letters*

*We break through the let­ters and fall on our faces on the oth­er side of the maze* Phew. 

There’s no words for how sor­ry I am for tak­ing you there. Let’s look for a rest­ing place. Oh god… there’s only a hos­tel near­by. I guess beg­gars can’t be choosers, just don’t talk to any­one while we’re there. Onward!

The fol­low­ing two tabs change con­tent below.
The old­est 12 year old. Also buy my mix­tape at

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