Translating Tumblr: The Day of the Trumpquake

We just have to take a look around af­ter Donald Trump won the pres­i­den­tial elec­tion this past November 8th. No mat­ter how you feel about the guy, if you think he’s an id­iot or you love him, the salt that came from the cracks of the earth­quake on Tumblr was amaz­ing. Nobody over­re­acts like these guys. Just look over there!

We got us some woke-ass kid­dos. I was so sure this was a joke post but look­ing at the pro­file of this per­son I be­lieve that they’re se­ri­ous. Not that I be­lieve 2nd graders care that much, Swedish or not. 

*Throws my arm out to stop you* 

Oh my God, look at that guy pre­tend­ing to be seven.

I love it. Either they’re fake kids or they’ve been spoon fed bull­shit by their par­ents. Sad!

Because that makes de­fac­ing his­to­ry al­right ap­par­ent­ly. Just fuck­ing fine. Just be­cause it was ac­cept­able to be open­ly racist back then doesn’t mean it’s ok to mess up memo­ri­als from back then. It’s not. We look at these things to re­mem­ber the past and think about how we’ll do bet­ter in the fu­ture. This isn’t do­ing that at all. 

I hate to veer it this way but peo­ple would get all up­pi­ty if some­one de­faced the Susan B. Anthony mon­u­ment while ig­nor­ing the fact that she her­self was open­ly racist.

I re­al­ly am try­ing to look for hi­lar­i­ous bull­shit that isn’t just “woke 8 year old,” but it’s so hard. Why say it your­self when you can project it onto children?

The Trump Curses are out in full force, and they have been for a long time. We could get into the witch com­mu­ni­ty on Tumblr and their shenani­gans but I ac­tu­al­ly have some­thing cook­ing up about that for a lat­er time! Let’s keep on. Watch that crack in the ground.

Look at all of that. The melo­dra­ma fu­els me.

Imagine get­ting so worked up be­cause you got all of your news from Tumblr these last few months. I love it.

Always re­mem­ber to take your blood pres­sure pills, kids.

Don’t you love the edgy ones? I do. They’re the best.

Pure. Gold.

I’m sure your feet are get­ting tired and the salt is deep down this way. Why don’t we fin­ish this up on a strong one.

My only mes­sage to this one is they de­serve a bet­ter friend than that asshat. 

Let’s take a break in the Forest of Ignored Ask Prompts. For reference: 

People re­blog the shit out of these but nev­er both­er to send any­one an ask. Not even as a cour­tesy. Like, how hard is it to pick a ran­dom one, ask, and then for­get about it? It’s just the nice thing to do. Anyway, let’s seek refuge here. They won’t both­er us. Watch this one pluck a prompt from the branch­es. Oh, there it goes! Running away re­al­ly fast. 

Where are we trav­el­ling to any­way, you ask? Well it is time for some plot, huh? We’re on our way to see the king of Tumblr. He’ll be able to help us, maybe even save us. I hear he knows how to make every­thing right on Tumblr for every­one. I fig­ure it’s worth a shot, right? What, you thought I was tak­ing you along to just see ridicu­lous things on the in­ter­net? This is a moth­er­fuck­ing ad­ven­ture! Now get some rest. 

The fol­low­ing two tabs change con­tent below.
The old­est 12 year old. Also buy my mix­tape at

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