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Currently President Obama is trying to enact new gun control measures in the United States. However there is a bigger problem that far eclipses the issue of mass shootings. That problem is the virtual gun violence that happens in people’s homes every single day.

Millions of men and women across the world are being trained to be first person shooters, and in some cases as elite third person shooters. Virtual shootings have reached epidemic levels where we are seeing millions of deaths occur every day. In some cases these murderers have slain dozens of people in a single session and bragged about it. All manner of virtual weaponry is being used to commit virtual crimes. Sickeningly, the preferred location that shooters like to execute their victims is either the head or groin.

No longer should mothers have to witness their sons being killed, then resurrected, only to be killed again. The emotional toll that virtual gun violence can have on a family is real and harrowing. From their encounters with virtual gun violence, living victims have responded they have felt emotions ranging from joy, excitement, fun, anger, and extreme levels of salt.

Weapons can be easily bought and traded in open markets. There are zero background checks, psychological evaluations, or any form of identification required for a genocidal maniac to purchase a weapon and start maiming innocents. As part of my investigation I snuck into one of these devious black markets and snapped evidence of their sordid business.

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These types of unregulated weapons sales happen on places like Steam every day

Money isn’t even a barrier for a killer with prices like these. In fact kids can get their hands on a collection of virtual guns for absolutely nothing. The only costs involved are paying for more guns (or funny hats).

So what should be done? It’s obvious the President needs to step in and use his super executive powers to enact real virtual change. He may not even need to bypass Congress who could be completely supportive for a change. He must stop the availability of these murder simulators and instead force these people to buy more worthwhile, artistic, independant games. Instead of playing something where conflicts are resolved by violence, these players can experience a game where conflicts aren’t resolved at all and instead you are fully loaded with pleasant introspection. We only have one digital world (or countless) and it needs saving.

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Nick Soapdish
If I didn't have a family to feed I'd spend all my money on video games and anime figures. Satirist.