“Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.”
Welcome back. Chapter two of MajorMinor recently came out, and I can’t say I was looking forward to reviewing it. Strap in, because it’s going to be…uh…fun?
So we start in the hotel room we were left in at the end of Part One, and are told once again that Klace died. Then after we catch up on what happened last episode, we suddenly go to a courtroom in a land called “Terra.” Which is so original.
You listen to this guy go on a xenophobic rant about how people immigrating to their lands will eat all their food, and then some raggedy guy named Caylen (who I thought was a girl at first) stands up to him, and calls him out for constantly stuffing his face.
He even has an inside source that Plair has food constantly being carted into his house. How does he know this? Why, one of this dude’s own raggedy servant, Kabu, spilled the beans!
For fuck’s sake, does nobody have proper clothing? Is everything really that bad there? Kabu tells everyone that Plair has been taking all the food so that he could further his xenophobic agenda, and then promptly has the two arrested. Cut to black.
Outside we find out that it was all a clever plot to get Caylen and Kabu behind the scenes.
They go back to the castle and Endymion (the lion dude) goes to speak with King Velasquez.
I scrolled too fast, and you can’t go back, but that specific person is apparently “the savior” which isn’t cliche enough I suppose. And then when Endy asks why they need one in the first place, King Fucknut over here refuses to say.
I wonder who it is!? I wonder if this is going to be another surprise like when we found out who the other contest winner was!
Endy is then tasked with retrieving the savior from Earth — to do God knows what. We then we cut back to the drama-fest over Klace being dead. For some reason you and Kila are terrified because Klace died, which doesn’t make sense. Why fear? A feeling of loss or anger would make sense but… whatever. I’m done caring at this point.
Now would be an appropriate time to be scared. It also would’ve been interesting if you’d added that facial expression instead of Kila still smiling like a damn idiot.
Then this asshole shows up, you demand answers, and he tells you to go back to the Ark with him. The first choice you get in a very long time is whether or not to take his hand and go. I accidentally chose not to take his hand.
I told you he was an asshole. No means no!
After forcing you into the Ark, he explains the Ark is something like a place outside of time and that not many people are allowed in this place. He only trusts people of high caliber in this place. But for some reason he lets you, a stranger, into it. Bravo.
So he will answer your question, but only one. For…reasons? Am I going to get to actually pick, or is this more like a really slow, boring movie again?
Oh shit, I actually get to pick! So I asked him what the Midnight Deaths were. It seems most important out of all of the questions. And… he tells you he has no clue. Fan-fucking-tastic. I knew I should’ve asked who you were.
There. Finally. He tells us why the fuck he keeps showing up.
He goes on to explain they are after you because of a power he put in you. For some reason. A total stranger to him. Blah blah blah, people want the power and he’s been thwarting their attempts to get to you, blah blah blah. But now he wants to know why, so he’s sending you to another planet just to find out why they want you. Which is just…ugh. OK, whatever.
Lovely. This sounds fun already. Careful there, me, you’re starting to touch Mary Sue waters. Get your toes out of there. After flying through this, you land in a forest and smack right into a tree. Your character has a mild panic attack until Endy shows up! He assures you everything will be OK, and you’ll go back home someday.
This feels like it’s going somewhere I really don’t want to go. Endy and Konrad from earlier explain that Terra is a peaceful land that has recently been accepting people of other planets/worlds, and they’re ruled by the Immortal King Velazquez. They take you to rest at a nearby town and explain that they needed you because you’re the savior. Like that was any surprise. They talk about that for a bit, then immigration, but my favorite part is when they ask your name and mine is still this:
Then you answer questions for immigration paper reasons. They ask your gender, if you’re a leader or a follower, whether you trust easily or are skeptic, whether you prefer a defensive or offensive strategy in fights, whether you’d kill for the greater good or not, and if you’d take a short but dangerous route or a long but safe route if given the choice. I’m thoroughly surprised I got this much choice. Then they ask if you prefer being alone or in a group and, being me, I chose alone.
After finally making it to town we meet these dudes, Klace’s manager Singe, the orange thing, and Rocker — the other thing, all talking about the Midnight Deaths. Later Jade comes in, warns him that he needs an alibi because he was the last person to see Klace alive, and then they talk about the world tour and how ruined it is. Then Jade drops this on us.
Insane shit, right? She goes on to explain that the suicides are unexplained but the murders are. So that’s just great. We go to the limo now where these two talk. The other person is Dazz, a backup vocalist and dancer.
This was about the time I stopped paying attention. He’s talking about Gods and shit.
I would like to proudly announce: no, there’s no yiffing. Thank fucking God. I don’t want to see that oddly proportioned thing naked, not that Klace would have the character appear with any other facial expression, position, or clothing.
Razz-Dazz here has to go get some air after Rocker goes on about how her career will be awesome after this little plan. He joins her outside of the limo and that Inumi dude (who I forgot to mention is/was the “brother,” but somehow also not a brother of Klace — it’s not explained) from earlier — who apparently lives in the limo — shifts over and says “Bro is dead?”
Fade to black, and we’re here again.
Shit, we finally know the dude’s name!
You sons of bitches!
And then it ends with Klace thanking you for getting through the second chapter. He then rolls these fucking credits. Oh, I wonder why he’s doing this now? Maybe the backlash from the community? Whatever the reason, thank you Klace. You finally learned how to do a credit roll. Gold star sticker.
Overall the storyline was a tad bit cliche, but it was somewhat more enjoyable when we weren’t all about the cringy “KLACE!” shit.
I’d like to mention this as a parting note. Klace finally got a for real fucking community manager. Klace has actually done things that really made me angry. Although I can’t bring myself to believe the majority of what was said in the annoucment, I’m happy someone has stepped up to take over community management. They seem more level-headed at least.
What I am learning while playing this slice of hell is that Klace put out a game that was pretty much 70 – 80% done. I couldn’t bitch if it were still early access, but this is supposed to a finished game he is selling. To quote a SuperNerdLand contributor, “Oh, for fucks sake.”
Ok, I’m out of here. Time to drown my sorrows in ice cream. Wish me luck for the next chapter. My sanity is still half present at least.