Translating Tumblr: Homestuck

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Before we get into this part of the jour­ney I guess now is a good time to tell you about the bots be­fore we go through the door of the Homestuck fan­dom. You may have seen them along the way, eyes emp­ty and re­peat­ing sen­tences that make no sense. Those are the Bots. I men­tioned the Labyrinth Cleaners be­fore, here’s an­oth­er ex­am­ple of their fail­ing to do any­thing use­ful. They flood ask box­es and tags like this all the time, and the Labyrinth Cleaners pay them no mind no mat­ter how much we com­plain about it.

Looking back you may re­mem­ber some oth­er blogs men­tion­ing they had a Homestuck phase and it was hor­ri­ble for them. It most like­ly was, and re­al­ly I feel for them. I’ve nev­er had an in­ter­est in Homestuck, and I don’t think I ever will, but the fan­dom has been around for years — at one point be­ing pret­ty big. And some­what ob­nox­ious. It was every-fucking-where. Nowadays it’s like SuperWhoLock, if you can un­block that un­pleas­ant mem­o­ry long enough to re­mem­ber our vis­it there.

Okay, now that that’s over with, let’s get go­ing. What do you think of when you hear “Homestuck?” I think of a girl I knew in high school who’d wear horns on a head­band and draw erot­ic Homestuck fa­nart in the cafe­te­ria. In oth­er words, I think of a weird type of wee­aboo — just with­out the Japanese ob­ses­sion part. If that makes any sense.

Onto the ad­ven­tures. Let me just fig­ure out how to get rid of all these Bots…oh hey look!

There we go. It’s all cleared up… holy shit, wait! Abort abort!

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This was a mis­take!  Homestuck is hit or miss re­al­ly. There are so many an­noy­ing and weird peo­ple in the fan­dom, but there’s also rather neat peo­ple who do very nice cos­play and art. Such as these!

But then you run into this…

I am so, so sor­ry read­er. I wasn’t ex­pect­ing it ei­ther. I re­mem­ber in my first year on Tumblr, I left my blog for a week be­cause I saw some­thing sim­i­lar to that but it in­volved ten­ta­cles. Just shut your eyes and take my hand. I’ll take you out of the NSFW area. There’s a lot. Keep these eyes closed! I know we’ve been walk­ing for a while just wait an­oth­er sec­ond. Keep walk­ing. Is that the exit? I think so. Nope. Ok. Keep walking.

Ok we’re out. You can open your eyes now.

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Why does it need a gen­der… whatever.

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Get set­tled in, this will be­come more com­mon as we get deep­er into the labyrinth.

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Don’t laugh, they’ll hear you!

What’s that rum­ble in the back­groun? Shit! Run! Go, they heard it!

Look out!


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Quick! Hide be­hind those in­ac­tive blogs! Crouch, they won’t no­tice us back here. We’re go­ing to be here a while as the stam­pede pass­es through. For a fan­dom that stopped be­ing as vis­i­ble on Tumblr as it used to be, there are still a lot of peo­ple in it. We may as well rest here so we’re ready for the next leg of our jour­ney. Go ahead and get some sleep, I’ll keep first watch.

The fol­low­ing two tabs change con­tent below.
The old­est 12 year old. Also buy my mix­tape at

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